This is my first blog post in a pretty long time. I stopped doing what I love most (writing) because of what I have the most (imposter syndrome). So today they’re going to walk down the aisle together to say their vows and be dealt with once and for all.
Mr Imposter flirted with me at 15 years old, when I got my braces on and my boobs shot out like torpedoes. Suddenly I was suppose to be a young woman but I wasn’t even done with being a tom boy. He played on this confusion, telling me to go for the easy wins. Or better yet, don’t even try at all. Blame it on your parents, teachers, or the boring little town you’re prisoned to.
Through college and well into my career, everyone else looked like they had their sh*t together and I was still a hot mess. My relationships never lasted longer than a few weeks, so I basically abandoned any idea of a family. I could even keep a plant alive!
The crazy thing is, having kids only makes Mr Imposter louder. If you’re a career mom, you’re emotionally damaging your kids with the public education system. If you’re homeschooling, you’re damaging their social skills. And if you’re both, you’re damaging yourself.
Other things Mr Imposter would tell me is that I was just lucky and will never have that kind of luck again…so quit now.
Or that I’m not funny, cute, smart, cool, or young enough. He’s shouting that at me right now as I’m typing this.
He’s also asking me why would anyone be interested in what I have to say?? Me?? Who has lived all over the world, snuck into forbidden countries, meetings…worked in the Pentagon…lived in the hood…what would I have to say that is worth while??
What until people really see who you are, Carla….he tells me every single time I become even the slightest bit vulnerable, typing words on the screen for strangers to discover and judge me with their own experiences.
Well, Mr. Imposter…you’re walking down an aisle of commitment to the people in this world who were fed a lie that they aren’t enough.
I chowed down on that lie for years too…heck, decades! It’s a lie concocted by media, advertising and our leaders to get us to believe in a thing called “lack”.
If we believe in lack, we will keep buying stuff to fill that whole. While we’re busy perfecting our eyebrows, some other folks are burning down rainforests and holding children in prisons.
I’m done with Mr Imposter pushing me another month, year, or decade away from the impact that I know I can make on this planet. The products, solutions and apps I produce may not be perfect but they will be released in the world, creating momentum. And that momentum will ripple into everything that we are passionate about…feeding our hungry children, giving them a peaceful home and education. Teaching young women how to read, do math and make money.
Too long have I witnessed so many male counterparts release products and offers that are half-baked and tossed together with a pile of “who-cares”. This isn’t to bash men…I’m raising a few myself…but to stop this perfectionism women have been sold for centuries.
Expect to see a lot more on this space of mine…ideas that will help you make money, create impact and grow your tribes. Ways to shake off those crazy beliefs we’ve been sold since we created our own identity. And advice from those wiser then me.
These posts won’t be perfect. They won’t be the end all. But they will be an extension of me that lives on the outside. Not words baking inside of me waiting for a buzzer to sound to say they’re done and ready to be eaten. They’re ready! They might just be raw cookie dough right now, but let’s face it, that’s way better than the burnt!